Episode 12: Q&A with Leigh — Dealing with Resentment

Do you ever feel that burning resentment as a Mom, like you’re not being treated fairly or getting the support you deserve? You’re not alone – and acknowledging these feelings without judgment is the first step towards overcoming them. 

In this  episode, we answer two mom’s questions about how to navigate resentment and feel better. We dive into the common causes of resentment among Moms, offer practical solutions and tools for navigating resentment and learn  how taking responsibility for our feelings leads to resolution. 

We also explore how resentment can be a signpost pointing to what is truly important in our lives, and how taking responsibility for our feelings can lead to resolution. Discover how one couple successfully handled their resentment by openly discussing each other’s needs and expectations. Join us as we reveal ways to use resentment as a messenger to take ownership of the situation and address the underlying thoughts and needs. 

What you will learn on this episode:

  • What resentment is and its common causes
  • Acknowledging and accepting resentment without judgment
  • Personal stories of experiencing resentment
  • Importance of focusing on what we can control
  • Navigating resentment by taking responsibility
  • Translating resentment to identify underlying causes and opportunities
  • Using resentment as a messenger to address thoughts and needs
  • Recognizing when resentment may indicate an unsafe situation


Today, we’re answering your questions about resentment, what it is and how to work with it, and I actually really love this topic. It’s just so real and I think there are some actual things we can do to deal with it. So let’s jump in. Our first question comes from Sarah. She writes I sometimes feel resentful towards my partner for not sharing the parenting responsibilities equally. How can I address this issue without causing conflict? Another question is from Amy, a mother of two. I love my children, but sometimes I can’t help but feel resentment towards them. I seem like I do everything for them and, at the end of the day, i get really frustrated And sometimes I don’t even want to be around them. How can I manage this guilt and develop a healthier mindset? These are such great questions And first I want to say to Amy and Sarah that you are not alone in feeling overwhelmed and resentful at times. The first step is actually acknowledging and accepting these feelings without judgment. It’s crucial to remind yourself that feeling resentful just it doesn’t make you a bad mother, and we hear that in these questions. Right, you can hear that shame and that guilt which is almost always connected to feelings of resentment and which I think actually increases the resentment. So it’s common and a normal human emotion, but you know, it can really have the power to hurt us And so as we normalize it here, as we’re talking about it being common, i don’t want to give you the impression that you’re stuck feeling it all the time. In fact, i think we can do something about it when it shows up, to help us through and out of that feeling of resentment. So let’s start by defining what resentment is. In the dictionary, resentment is defined as having bitter indignation at being treated unfairly, and I’m going to add to that definition In my words resentment is our perception that we are not being treated fairly, that we’re not getting the help, the support, the respect or the freedom of choice that we think we deserve. And I would also add that resentment is very synonymous with feeling injured or wrong, like it can include feelings of hurt, anger and even envy. So let’s join Amy and Sarah in looking at this. 


Have you ever felt that miserable knot of resentment in your stomach? Maybe even when it’s time to take care of someone or show up and do something? I definitely have, and it’s an awful feeling. It goes something like this Why am I always the one who has to dot, dot, dot and I’ll put in there clean up after the kids? do the bills get up with the baby? Or it sure would be nice to dot, dot, dot, go to bed when I’m tired, get a few minutes to myself, or go to the bathroom when I have to go, like. 


When I have thoughts like this, i get mad. And then I feel sad and I have another thought. No one notices, no one knows I’m drowning here. Why am I left all alone with this? And then I get ashamed. I’m a terrible person to feel this way. What’s wrong with me? I hear this pattern from women all the time. In fact, almost all of us, i would think, at one time or another have been drowning in this mad, sad shame trap And we think oftentimes that we are all alone. Well, it ends up that we are definitely not alone. 


I’ve told some of my moms. I asked them what they tended to feel most resentful about. Here’s the list Lack of personal time, imbalance in responsibilities of parenting or in the household, sacrificing a career, feeling unsupported by partners or family members or friends. Loss of identity that maybe their dreams or aspirations and growth have been sidelined. Feeling depleted and unsupported in managing their own well-being and feeling guilty for their own self-care. A lack of recognition and appreciation for everything they’re doing. And a loss of social life and personal friendships. Do any of these feel a little familiar to you? I know as I read them I resonated with some of them, either currently or I remembered how it felt in my earlier parenting years And just reading that list made me think of a couple of times I’ve felt resentment. 


You may remember the story I shared in an earlier episode about values, where I had a newborn and was so irritated and resentful that I was showing up to the fifth grade Christmas party, while my neighbor who also had a child in the class, blithely told me she was too busy taking care of her new baby to help. The feelings I had when she told me that were so intense. I literally felt my chest get hot and kind of felt outraged that she couldn’t sacrifice like I was sacrificing and just come and help me out. There was injustice there and definite judgment on my part that there was a right way to do this and she wasn’t seeing it, she wasn’t helping me. It made me angry and it also made me feel kind of hurt like she didn’t care about me And it made me have this bitter taste in my mouth about the whole party thing. I remember clearly how much I envied the luxury of saying no. I didn’t feel like I could say that And when she did say no to me, resentment was born. 


Now, as you remember, i use this example in the episode on values to illustrate the reason why I was doing something that I was conflicted about. One part of me wanted to serve in my son’s classroom, help the teacher be more connected to his world, and another part of me had wanted to say no. I actually said yes when I wanted to say no And I had my reason, states say yes. They were good ones for me, but I was kind of wishing someone could step in and help me do what I cared about. 


Another time I felt resentful was more recent. My husband and I had both finished our work days at about the same time and I raced to the kitchen to cook dinner We ate together. And then he returned to his computer to finish up some emails And I went directly to the sink to start washing dishes. I was tired and I didn’t really want to do the dishes. I really wanted to sit on the couch and pull out my book. But I started washing dishes and, noticing that I was standing there alone, all by myself, washing and cleaning, i started to feel my chest get hot and that feeling of resentment bubbled up. 


You can probably guess at the thoughts. They were definitely hyper focused on observing the differences between what was happening and what I thought should be happening. Why am I the only one doing this? I’d rather be finishing up my work so I can have a quiet evening too. He should be helping me Now. As an aside, my husband is very helpful. He does not have the belief that I should be doing all the work in the kitchen. In fact, he does dishes after meals and often initiates tasks around the house long before I do, and the truth is that I prefer to cook. I prefer to clean up immediately after dinner and even clean up as I cook. I have ways that I like to load a dishwasher. 


I’ve actually had to work with myself to be okay with letting people help and do things their way, but that night I’d had a long day. I was tired, i was already noticing things that were kind of hard and negative And my thoughts went negative and critical very fast And I had expectations in my mind of how things should be going. Does that ever happen to you, where you have this thinking it has to be done a certain way or at a certain time And we’re the only ones who’ll do it that way or care enough about it to do it that way, and then we get frustrated when others don’t do it the way it needs to be done, so we just do it ourselves, but then it can feel lonely and like we shouldn’t be doing it ourselves. Other people should be helping. We are just so intricate and such deep creatures. I don’t think anyone intends to have this kind of thing happen. It just kind of sneaks up on us. And it’s not just women who get resentful, it’s men too. You all just happen to be my audience. I’m talking to moms, but the same thing happens to the men in our lives. 


So back to my story. I was standing at the sink having these resentful, painful thoughts which create these painful feelings of hurt and anger. This time I caught it. I could see the thinking and how it was making me feel And I was able to address it head on, which is exactly what I’m going to want you to do when you feel resentment. And I did an emotional audit What am I feeling? What am I thinking, what do I need And what are my choices? And maybe you can see the choices easier than I could see them in the moment, because usually that’s the case for us. 


But as I was washing dishes, i kind of got curious and started searching through my options. I could have just gone directly to my computer and finished out my work for the day, or sat down and read my book. In other words, i could have let go of the idea in my mind that the dishes needed to be done right then, and address the underlying source of my resentment by going and doing what I wanted. I don’t think it was that I didn’t want to do the dishes. In fact, i kind of mindlessly do the dishes, right, i don’t usually mind it. What I really wanted was to have my free time. In fact, if my husband were out of town and I was doing the dishes, i wouldn’t have felt that resentment because I wasn’t measuring against anything. I would have just done the dishes then or later, probably calmly. It was zero angst. It was when I started measuring and perceiving that my husband had that free time and I was stuck at the sink. Bam, i felt the injustice And I kind of got envious. 


Why can’t he just go to his computer? Why doesn’t he seem bothered by Dot dot dot? We can fill in the blank, right? I had a mom the other day tell me I don’t get why my husband can just walk by the baby and smell the dirty diaper and keep on walking, like, why does he get to do that And I have to stop and change the baby? Well, this is kind of complicated, right? Does that mom have to change the baby’s diaper? No, she really doesn’t. I mean, no one is making her, she is making her, she cares about it And she wants her husband to care about it as much and in the same way as she does. And I totally get it. I actually agree with her because my way of thinking aligns with hers. I think I’d feel the same because I think the same. But maybe her husband doesn’t even notice the diaper, or maybe he knows that she’ll do it because she always takes care of it. Maybe it just doesn’t take up a lot of his thinking space like it would for me or for you or for her, and maybe it has nothing to do with whether he loves her or cares about her or the baby. Maybe it’s just a task that they could have a conversation about. All I know is that it starts to become like a big problem, a big personal problem to us when this resentment comes up. 


For me and my earlier example, I really did want to be at that fifth grade party for all the good reasons I valued, and what I was resentful about was doing it alone. I really wanted more support and the freedom to say no when I needed to. Thank you, resentment, for pointing that out to me. Now, resentment can leave What I really wanted. 


Standing at the sink full of dishes was free time, and the dishes were blocking that for me. I could have put them off until later. I could have decided that getting them done quickly on my own would be just fine and resolved to go directly to my free time after, or I could ask directly for help. And in the end I decided to ask for help And I asked my husband if he was free to help me get the kitchen clean. And of course I kind of had to calm down first so that it didn’t come out like a complaint or an accusation, and I had to let go of that other little message that was kind of rolling around in my mind that said I shouldn’t have to ask. He should notice that I was doing the dishes and offer. So I had to let those things go and I made a request Honey, can you help me get these dishes done? He said sure, just finishing this up before the end of day at work. And he was right beside me washing and loading. Now, if it were another time, that may not have been the answer he gave me. He may have said yikes, i’ve got to finish this and I won’t be done for another hour, or I really wanted to watch the end of the game, or I just want to relax after dinner and not clean up right now, Like all of those responses are possible, right? What happens if he said I can’t tonight too busy? Or even harder? what if you have a friend, a spouse or a child who regularly says nope, not helping. 


Resentment will probably show up, especially if you feel alone doing the things you feel strongly about. This is your cue to move into learning mode to discover what resentment is telling you and what your options are. I guess what I’m trying to say here is that there is a story in our heads about this stuff And resentment comes from a particular story And it’s important to listen for the details, because those details are the things that we can work with. So we’re not blaming anyone, nor am I letting anyone off the hook. We just want to get better at solving the problem, and resentment delays problem solving. It hovers and bruise and simmers inside of us until we feel so bad that something blows And it often feeds on itself. It begets more things to feel resentful for, because it keeps coming around trying to get our attention and we start looking for things to add to that fire of resentment that we’re feeling. 


So I want us to focus on eliminating resentment, because it’s sneaky and destructive, and to be emotionally resilient and emotionally well. We want to be forthright and intentional so we can be constructive, and I want you to find your power and your choice and get released from the restraints that our mind can trap us in, and resentment is really good at doing this. So, in order to release resentment, we need to be aware of it and listen to what it’s telling us and then do something straight up about it Not passive, not pushing it down and letting it fester, and not aggressive like attacking and blaming and getting directive or bossy. We need to look at what we’re really wanting, what we’re really asking for, and address that. I think there are at least two categories of things that resentful feelings are pointing at. The first has to do with that feeling that something is unfair, that I’m doing something that I don’t want to do, and this creates that sense of injustice. And the second is that we actually want something that we don’t feel like we can have, and this adds in the feeling of envy and hurt that we don’t have access to what we need, and both of these tend to feel very powerless to us, that we’re left sacrificing our needs or our desires, and it feels like the solution can lie outside of us, in someone else’s control. 


I look at resentment kind of like a foreign language that we have to translate. It comes to us in disguise, like our brain senses our needs or desires and then compares to see if those things are happening And when they’re not, it jumps ahead and creates a reason why we’re not getting what we need, and that’s usually tied up in limitations, the limits that we have on what we have to do. And this is often coming from our own internal shoulds and half dos about this And what others should be doing because we’ve decided they should, sometimes without even them realizing it, and why we can’t do something else, particularly the things that we’re really longing to do. You know, these moms in our questions today are feeling something important. I know it’s showing up as resentment, but underneath it there is actually opportunity, something’s crying out for their attention And I don’t think we need to panic when we notice that resentment is coming up. We need to learn to kind of translate that feeling of resentment and start looking for the underlying cause and maybe even the opportunity. 


And the first thing I think about when I hear that there’s resentment going on is a need for choice. And let me tell you why. We’re creatures of power, which means that anytime there’s something that we’re doing that we don’t feel like we have a choice about doing, it’s going to cause us a problem, it’s going to feel bad, it’s gonna feel like something is wrong, and I think our first attempt at solving this usually goes to looking at our external circumstances to see what the cause is for our painful feelings. And you’ll remember that that’s a very common thing for our brain to do To look around and say what is happening around me that is making me do something I don’t wanna do. You know, that’s just how a brain works. Our brain loves to go there first. And I think that brings us back to that concept of internal and external worlds that we talked about in episode five. 


As we work with resentment, we really wanna map it on both planes, both our external and our internal experience. We wanna look at what are the external things that are triggering this feeling And what are my internal responses in how I’m perceiving this and feeling about this. So literally you can get out a sheet of paper and this is often what I do with a woman when we’re figuring this out. We get out a piece of paper and we divide it in half and start mapping the internal and external things that are going on. And there are things we can do externally to help us get rid of resentment. But we don’t want to fall into the trap that our resentment is actually caused by the things on the outside, because remember that trap, the one where things have to change externally for us to feel good this is very much where resentment has us put our focus And, weirdly, that is usually where we lose our power, because we don’t have a whole lot of control over external circumstances, especially over what others do or don’t do. So there’s a line between our external world and our internal world and that line is where we cross over and have thoughts about what is going on. A story about what’s happening and resentment my friends lives in that story. 


So now I’m mapping the feeling of resentment and the whole story that creates resentment and I’m putting it on the internal side of the line And I’m telling you that your resentment is your responsibility. It’s actually your choice to feel resentful or not. So, before you throw up your hands and turn off this podcast, hang in there with me. I want to help you get out of resentment, and I’m not just going to tell you to completely let go of your resentment story and just pretend to be happy. In fact, i’m going to bet that pretending or avoiding or ignoring and stuffing things down is exactly how resentment is born. So at least when I feel resentment, that’s how mine comes into being. So I’m not asking you to do more of the same of that. Instead, i want you to look at what resentment really is and how maybe you can even use it to inform you and guide you in taking responsibility on your side of the line. So then you can make some decisions about how things might go on the external side of the line, and we’re not going to do some weird emotional new age psycho exercise that gets you to believe that resentment is actually healthy or good for you, because it’s not. But it is, like any of our emotions, information, important information that you and I need to help us navigate the situation and come up with a plan that takes care of us Because, remember, you’re worth being taken care of, and so is your spouse, and so are your kids Like. 


We’re not looking for anyone to be a bad guy or a victim here. We want everyone’s needs to be met, and talking to an audience of moms is a unique thing because you know, you all are constantly tasked with meeting the needs of others. Most moms I work with take their role as nurturer, organizer, protector, advisor, planner and teacher so seriously. That’s a lot of roles, a lot of jobs, a lot of tasks and only one mom. So we’re kind of set up here being the ones that care deeply about so many things and feeling the responsibility to get it all done. 


And it can feel like we’re carrying everything alone and sometimes we are, especially if you’re a single parent. But also we can feel that way when we’re not alone, when we have a partner And we can ask that question how can it be that dads don’t feel the exact same weight of it all? And I work with dads too. I mean they do In their unique way. They are feeling the weight of parenting and supporting their spouse and their family. But often as women and men, we don’t connect around these things and we can end up feeling very alone around it And then it can be easy to feel the resentment and start to look for someone to make it go away, and that someone is often our partner, right? 


I had a client who felt so hurt and angry that her husband went to the gym every morning while she got kids off to school. And as we talked about it, it wasn’t that she didn’t want him to go to the gym and work out, it was that she wanted time to work out And she felt the unfairness of his getting that time. And she personalized that I checked this out carefully, by the way, because sometimes women are in situations that are abusive or dangerous And she clarified that It wasn’t that her husband didn’t let her work out, it wasn’t a control issue, it was just how things had started out when they first got married and it never changed even as kids entered the scene. Her hurt and anger came from her need to have some time for herself. She was in a situation where she’d let go of many things that made her happy or fueled her And it kind of snuck up on her. 


So when she saw him going to the gym every day, she started to feel the injustice of that And resentment was like a big arrow pointing to what needed her attention, and it’s that way for us too If we aren’t aware, we can get confused and distracted by that resentment and turn it into a controlling need to have someone do something. Like it was her husband that was causing her to feel bad, like it was him who was keeping her home and unable to work out or take care of herself. And her resentment finally kind of exploded, and it brought them into the therapy room for couples counseling, and at first they thought they had a very serious problem, because she felt so isolated And she felt really alone And he felt so villainized, like he was the bad guy in the situation, and so he got defensive and he couldn’t hear her pain, and she was so angry and hurt and felt so guilty that she couldn’t articulate what the problem was. She just really wanted him to kind of help her out of it. The bottom line is that together, this couple needed to be able to find a way to have both of their needs met. 


First, though, they had to really validate each other and understand that neither one of them were trying to harm each other, and resentment kind of built up a story and in her mind, and then actually, as he got defensive, it built one up in his mind and They kind of had to sort that out and recognize this was not intentional. They ended up taking turns Going to the gym and working out and he had to adjust his expectations to share his morning time and Take over some of the tasks of getting kids off to school. And she had to adjust her expectations and allow for the fact that a few mornings a week The kids went out the door with imperfect ponytails and a less than ideal lunch and Resentment disappeared because they brought it out into the open and they owned it. Their needs, the expectations, the challenges and obstacles to getting it all addressed and They chose to be flexible and collaborative, but only after they could figure out just what it was that was underneath the resentment and I know this isn’t always how it resolves. Sometimes people aren’t as willing to be collaborative. But this is an example of how a couple successfully handled that resentment and it was so important that they talked about it Because it was eating away at their relationship. 


Those resentful feelings can be powerful and do some real damage to us. So I want you to think about what resentment May be trying to tell you when it shows up. I Literally want you to see it as a messenger. And you know the way to get to that is to start with that awareness That you’re even feeling it. You know what we talked about. Put your hand on your chest, take your emotional temperature. What am I feeling? Where is it in my body? How big is it? Do that emotional audit. What is it that this is trying to tell me? and I think it’s perfectly fine to just open up the lid and let it spill out into your awareness, because usually we notice it and then we try to stop it or shut it down And then it builds up more pressure and maybe even explode. All those shoulds, all that anger, all that injustice. 


Go ahead and let it fly. Listen to it. Now, i’m not saying say it out loud to everyone, just listen to it. Turn up that volume in your internal world. You can even sit down and write it out. Don’t worry about editing it or cleaning it up, just clearly write it out, what it is you’re angry and resentful about. This is going to help you get a little bit of that flexibility where you’re distant from it. Right, you aren’t your thoughts, you aren’t your feelings. If you’re having these thoughts and you’re having these feelings. It can help to put it on paper so that you can take a step back and look at it, and what I want you to be looking at is What it’s pointing at. What is it telling you? What are the things that you care about that are showing up in there, like? what is your anger about? What feels unfair? What do you need that you’re not getting? now We’re starting to get down into the real problem, right. What is it that others seem to have That you want, and where’s your power? How can you take ownership of this situation? This is going to guide you and help you decide what you’re going to do about this. 


When you’re in the situation where you’re resenting your children and all the service and all the time it takes to be a mom, what is it that feels not right or feels unjust? Do you feel alone? Are you tired? Are there things you need that aren’t getting addressed? It could be hard to ask these questions when we feel so stuck in our situations, i know, but it’s the beginning of unraveling the resentment and getting to a peaceful and a powerful resolution, and that’s how I want you to think about this. I want you to think resentment to resolution, because we don’t want you to stay in that painful, resentful place. We want the resentment to be the indicator light that something needs our attention so you can give it a look and handle it straight on. I want you to own your choices or set a boundary or say no to something that isn’t working for you and maybe even get creative to find alternative solutions so we can get out of the shoulds and the have tos and into creative problem solving. 


I always want you to be thinking there’s a reason why I’m feeling this and I want you to look for the benevolence in it. And I love that word benevolence. It means trusting in the goodness of you. I really want you to be thinking. What I know about myself is that I’m a good, kind and loving person. So if I’m having these resentful thoughts, then it must mean that something needs my attention and I can address it. And I’m going to start on my internal world before I look to my external world. That’s where you start to look at those underlying thoughts and needs and see where you can start to solve for that feeling of powerlessness or that feeling of being in a victim space where you don’t have a choice. 


Now, if you’re really in an abusive situation and this happens sometimes resentment can show up and be an arrow that points to the fact that we are not in a safe situation, that something is not right. We’re not trying to change an abusive story into a benevolent one. In fact, this exercise can help you sort out what’s going on and decide if you are in an abusive situation and if you may need to take action to take care of yourself in a way that restores your life to more safety. And if you find yourself in this situation, this is a great time to talk to someone to help you evaluate that, so you don’t have to handle that alone. But if you’re not in an abusive situation, you may be having all the thoughts and feelings that feel very powerless and feel very victimizing. 


I mean the thought I’m the only one that has to do this. I don’t want to do it, i hate doing it, i shouldn’t have to do it. I want you to be able to think do I choose to do this? and if you don’t choose to do this, you can say I don’t choose to do this, i want to do it differently again. We want to look at that story, we want to check it for accuracy. If you don’t want to do it, what could be your options? so let’s actually look at some problem solving here. 


I want to give you a few things to remember to help you deal with and maybe even prevent resentment from popping up. Number one I want you to remember as a mom, you are as important as all the other members of the family and you get to make choices. Number two it’s okay to need things. Paying attention to your needs actually helps you become the best mom you can be. You know, before we were moms, we only had to worry about ourselves. But as soon as we had that first baby, we learned how to delay what we needed until the baby was fed and changed and rocked, and then we did it all over again. A few hours later, and even after a few weeks of this, it can feel impossible to remember what having needs of your own even feel like. So being a good mom doesn’t mean you can’t have needs. In fact, this is when it’s even more important to focus on staying in touch with yourself. You don’t have to choose between the care of your family and your own care. You have a right to feed and rest your body. Set limits, say no, sometimes take time to play or be silly and have dreams outside of being a mom. 


So begin by asking that great question what do I need right now? And at first you may not know how to answer, but the more you ask it, the better you’ll get at having that conversation with yourself. You’ll get better at putting words to the feelings you’re having And if you keep asking, you’ll start to have answers. I need sleep, i need adult conversation, i need to talk about something. I need help with the tasks on my plate. Number three I can ask directly for what I need. Being clear about what you need is a gift to your marriage, to your family, and even though your loved ones may have to get used to your being kind and direct, most of them, i believe, will tell you how grateful they are for your clear and kind communication. 


Number four others don’t have to do things exactly the way that we think they should be done, or even do them at all. After all, we don’t like having things dictated to us, and either do our spouses or our friends. Remember, asking for what you need isn’t an open invitation to tell a person exactly how things need to be done. I need help with the house, with the children or with the budget, is an invitation to collaborate, and I’ll guarantee that how they want to do it will probably not be exactly as you will want to do it, and sometimes we can let go of the way it needs to be done so that we can collaborate. 

Number five, finally I want us to consider that we may simply choose to take full ownership for something we care about and let go of trying to have others see it the way we do or even help us in doing it. This is a powerful choice to make a decision that you are going to do the thing that you’re feeling resentful about, and you have two ways you can do that. Number one you’re either going to do it and feel angry and bitter about it or, number two, you can own it and do it straight up, clearly and cleanly. You say this is what’s important to me and I’m choosing to do this because it matters to me. And even if that thing isn’t really something you enjoy, you ultimately do care enough about it to want it done. So you cleanly own it, and I use the word clean meaning it doesn’t have to get muddied up with resentment and anger. It’s not an injustice anymore. You have options to change your expectations or get help from someone else, hire it out, but you end up deciding that the task is yours and you agree to not be upset about it, so you really let everything else go and own it. There will be a part of your brain that isn’t going to want to let go of this. It will want to be angry and maybe even want to tell you a story that you don’t have any choice. But you’ve trained for this and you know that you do have choices, and hovering around is only hurting us and our relationships and keeping us stuck. So I want you to think about empowerment and having a menu of options so that you can show it more powerful in these kinds of situations, because resentment comes from powerlessness and we want to flip that. 

Resentment, left unaddressed, can hurt us. It increases depression, anger, sense of isolation and aloneness In our body. Resentment has a power to hurt our immune systems, turn on our threat system with adrenaline and cortisol and put us into fight or flight, and in our relationships it builds up barriers and walls, distance and conflict. Resentment indicates that something is going on and it needs your attention. You need some support. You need some understanding. You need to find a creative way to solve a problem. 

I want you to listen to the resentment, hear the information from the feeling and ask what do I need to feel peace? That peace and resolve may come from asking for help. It may come from coming up with an alternative solution. It may come from accepting that it’s your choice to do what you’re doing and ultimately changing. I have to do this to. I choose to do this. We’re deciding to resolve rather than resent, and then we’re letting it go. 

I hope this has been helpful in answering those questions about resentment. It’s such a good reminder to have us check in and own our own power so we can solve problems and meet our needs. If you have a question, you can send it to my email, which is in the show notes on my website, leegermancom, or you can DM me on Instagram at leegerman. Thanks for listening today and I’ll see you guys next week. Take care. The Leadership Parenting Podcast is for general information purposes only. It is not therapy and should not take the place of meeting with a qualified mental health professional. The information on this podcast is not intended to diagnose or treat any condition, illness or disease. It’s also not intended to be legal medical or therapeutic advice. Please consult your doctor or mental health professional for your individual circumstances. Thanks again and take care. 

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