Another year has flown by, and it’s the perfect time to pause, reflect, and honor the journey we’ve all taken—both the wins and the challenges. In this episode, we’re diving into how to close out the year with intention, celebrate our efforts (not just accomplishments), and set a foundation of growth and gratitude for ourselves and our families as we enter the new year.
What you will learn on this episode:
- Why reflecting on the past year with kindness and curiosity helps unlock personal growth and clarity.
- How to focus on effort over accomplishments to foster resilience in yourself and your children.
- Why modeling a growth mindset is essential for teaching kids how to embrace challenges.
- How to honor your efforts, even when things didn’t go as planned.
- Simple, playful ways to help children reflect on their year and build gratitude.
- Strategies to normalize challenges for kids and teach resilience through reflection.
- How celebrating effort and navigating challenges together strengthens family relationships.
TRANSCRIPT
*This transcription below was provided for you or your convenience; please excuse any mistakes that the automated service made in translation.
Can you believe it? Another year has come and gone. Seriously. How does it always manage to feel both so long and so fast? I don’t know about you, but the end of the year always sneaks up on me and I have to remind myself to pause before diving into all the new year’s resolutions and the new me plans that happen at the beginning of the year. So today I want to slow it all down and reflect on this past year together. I know sometimes the idea of looking back feels awkward or icky. It can be like opening that one drawer in your kitchen that you know is full of chaos. Why would we want to go there, right? Well, stick with me, because we’re not going to just do this to judge ourselves or dredge up regrets. We’re doing it because reflecting with kindness and curiosity can unlock so much growth, not just for us, but for our children too, and if you’re a parent, this is a chance to model something very powerful for your children.
Before we dive into the details, let’s talk about why reflecting on the year can be very helpful. When we stop to acknowledge where we’ve been this year and what’s happened both the good and the hard we give ourselves the gift of clarity, and clarity allows you to spot patterns, like those challenges or successes that have happened over the year that can guide your future decisions. It gives you a chance to learn from your year, to understand what worked and what didn’t, and, hopefully, understand why. It can also help us organize our thoughts and make sense of the journey that we’re on. So when we recognize our efforts, even in hard times, we’re actually shifting into a growth mindset, and you know how important growth mindset is If you’ve been with me for any amount of time. It’s the growth mindset that is what we’re all going for, where we’re seeing challenges as opportunities rather than failures, and hopefully seeing our achievements as the result of patterns or behaviors that have actually worked for us, maybe even patterns that we can recreate for the coming year. So, ultimately, having clarity about our past year can help us make more intentional choices for the coming one.
And I think one of the reasons why we do avoid reflection is because sometimes looking back on a year can feel a little vulnerable. Instead of just celebrating our efforts or learning from things we wish we’d done differently, we sometimes fixate on what didn’t go perfectly. It’s like our brain says, well, that was a mess, better luck next year, and just wants to move on right. Does that ever happen to you? Well, this is where the idea of fixed mindset and growth mindset comes in. That fixed mindset sees our mistakes and struggles as proof that we’re not good enough, but a growth mindset says, hey, I gave it a good shot, and look at how much I’ve learned and even how much I’m continuing to learn. And here’s the really important thing when we reflect with compassion and focus on our efforts, not just the outcomes, we’re actually building that growth mindset in ourselves. And as we do this, we really want to focus on effort over accomplishments. And I know it’s tempting to only focus on like those really big wins, like hitting a big milestone or checking something major off your to-do list or your bucket list, and those things are worth celebrating for sure. But I think the real magic is in honoring the effort that we put in, even when things maybe aren’t going as we had planned them to go, because effort is literally where we grow. It is the foundation of our resilience, and this is such a powerful lesson for our children, especially if we want to teach them about growth mindset, we really need to model it ourselves, and that means showing them that it’s okay to stumble and that what matters most is trying again.
05:02
So when you look back on your year, I want you to think about moments when you showed up, even when it was hard. Maybe you had some tough conversations with people you cared about. Maybe you tried something new and scary a project or a hobby, even if it didn’t turn out the way you hoped. Maybe you just kept going on the days when everything felt really hard and heavy. That really is the stuff that matters, and when we name it out loud or in our own personal reflections, we’re really reminding ourselves, and thereby our children, when they’re aware we’re doing this, that growth is always happening, even in the messy moments.
05:40
So I just want you and your family to have a few moments to honor all that you’ve navigated this year, to recognize what we might call that good stuff, what you’ve accomplished. That’s the easy stuff that we see is really shiny. We want to celebrate, but also to acknowledge what you learned from the tougher stuff, and here are some ideas for how we can do this. First, you, just as mom. You can do this alone, just you, and I recommend that you literally start here. Let this idea of celebrating your year sit in your brain a little. Let it generate some things for you to consider what I like to do when I review the year for myself or with the moms that I’m working with. I kind of like to mentally put on these no judgment glasses so I can really see things clearly and not get tangled up or tripped up by all the criticism or shame that can come up when we don’t like what we see. So imagine you have these glasses sitting next to you. I just mailed them to you, sending them through the airwaves I know it’s silly, but pretend you’re putting them on.
06:45
And first I want you to look at how we did at taking care of ourselves this past year. I want to know how your sleep was this year, your nutrition, your support, your ability to calm your nervous system and feel restored. Were you able to carve out any time for your own rest or for joy, or for hobbies, things that you enjoy? Did you tend to your out any time for your own rest or for joy, or for hobbies, things that you enjoy? Did you tend to your mental and physical health? What did you learn from this year about what nourishes you?
07:14
These are the areas that you’re training for as you listen to this podcast when you work with me. These are the areas we’re building and strengthening, because this creates our foundation, all the other stuff, those tasks and goals and achievements. They’re built on these things. If this foundation cracks or fails, we struggle. Literally, our bodies can crash or we get anxious or we get depressed and our world starts to be about survival. And this is true for everyone, not just you or me. It’s like the law of physics we can’t defy gravity without our basics. We struggle, all of us do.
07:52
And as you think about it, now you have this distance, your year is over. Where can you see your vulnerable times? When did you get tired or overwhelmed? And here’s the important question what did you need during those times? You know it’s always easier to see it when you’re not right in the middle of it, and the year’s over now, so there’s nothing we can do differently for last year, but getting this perspective and doing this research about your past year can help you know what you want to do more of in this coming year. This is why this is a worthy exercise, and I’m so surprised every time I do this that I learn so much. I think I did this last year. I know what I need, but the truth is what we need is ever-changing, even down to the hours of sleep we need or the kinds of food we eat and the ways we focus on our own personal development. Every year is going to bring a different situation for us. So for this past year.
08:51
Let’s take a minute and look at how things went for you this year. Maybe it wasn’t perfect let’s be honest, it probably wasn’t but what’s one or two things you can compassionately learn from this year to take better care of yourself in the next? So this is the first thing I want you to do to look back on your year and if this is the only thing you do, I would be so happy, because you’re going to be better informed as to what you need and how to feel even stronger next year. It’s a little bit of that self-care audit, but if you want to stick with the exercise and go a little bit further, I think it’s awesome to be able to look at the things that we’ve achieved this year, the things that you’re really proud of, or the special moments that seem to really stand out to you, that brought you really great joy or fulfillment. You know, sometimes we just don’t celebrate these enough and or even if we celebrate them in the moment like did you graduate from something, did you have a baby, did you accomplish a move, or did you learn a skill, or did you help a child work through a really tough problem and you were able to see them kind of fly where they were struggling before.
09:52
Here’s the growth mindset part of it. I want you to notice what patterns or habits helped you have that success or that achievement. Remember it’s the process that is really the most valuable thing, not the achievement itself. I know it’s not what we celebrate. We celebrate the achievement, but processes are the things that carry us to the achievement, and processes can be replicated. They can also be taught and they can be modeled to our children. So whether you launched a new company, launched a new family, launched a new baby or reorganized all the closets in your house and just felt like you got something accomplished that you really cared about. Whatever you counted as a win, it had a process. That is the valuable thing that we can learn to replicate.
10:43
So what were the processes that helped you the most this past year? Think about that and let that sit with you, maybe even for a couple of days. I want you to kind of get curious about it. You may know very clearly what the processes are because you sat down and you mapped them out and you followed them to the letter or closely followed them. But if you’re like me, many times I end up someplace and I don’t really acknowledge, or maybe even I’m not aware of, what the process was that got me there. And sometimes, when I go to teach these processes to clients, as I lay it out, I’m able to see there actually was a process to it and this is part of our awareness that we’re building. We’re also learning how to have confidence, because if you were able to put together some kind of map to get you from one place to another and you can follow that map again, there might be a little bit of difference in the stops or the way that you did something, but the process itself is actually replicable. So give the process some time and celebrate it If you want to continue with this year in review.
11:52
Let’s talk about the challenges. I know it’s not always fun to revisit the hard times, but this is also where growth happens. When I look back on my year and I think what was really hard, I’ll be honest. Sometimes I want to look away. That’s why we need these glasses. There are no guilt, no shame, no judgment glasses.
12:11
The goal here is not to beat ourselves up, it’s to learn. It’s to learn, maybe, where we have vulnerabilities, learn where we have gaps in our knowledge base, where we can start to see patterns that, if we can interrupt them, it can remove roadblocks from us and help us get more effectively to where we want to go in this coming year. When I sit with you and do this, I’m actually feeling a ton of compassion, maybe actually or figuratively putting an arm around your shoulder, and I want you to do the same. A quick review of the hard stuff is all you need Now. You could put the pieces of this year in review into any order that works for you. Sometimes it’s easier to start with the challenges and finish with the achievements. Play with it and see what works for you. We’ll actually use this information in January when we look at planning for our new year, so even just thinking about it is going to give you some great information to move forward in just a few weeks.
13:08
Now let’s talk about how you could do this with your family. I think this is really helpful for children, and we don’t do it very often, and kids aren’t really great at reflection. They don’t naturally know how to reflect. They’re very much in the moment, which is part of what’s so lovely about children and what we really want to strive to be like them in staying in the moment. So to take kids back and look at their year in review is not something they’re probably naturally going to do. So we want to guide them in being able to reflect on their past year and our goals.
13:41
My goal for doing this when we do it with families, is to help children build gratitude as they learn to appreciate those good moments. We’re also teaching them that concept of savoring, and savoring is a big positive psychology kind of star in positive psychology, where we’re learning to slow down our experience of the good so that it lasts longer, so that we can get all of that joy out of it and that we’re kind of offering something in opposition to that negativity bias that we have. So this is actually an exercise that when you practice savoring, it helps you balance out that negativity bias. And don’t our kids need that right? Because their brains aren’t even completely formed yet and they get very often highly focused on the things that went wrong, especially in an achievement-oriented society, and that can really lead us into that fixed mindset and keep us there. So we want to use this tool of reflection to build gratitude and to build savoring for the big things and for the small things Another thing that reflection does for children.
14:54
It helps to normalize the challenges that they had because they’re able to look back on them when they’re not in the middle of them Just like for us, it’s easier to see things when we’re outside of it. Kids can see where they were in the tough challenges and understand that hard times are also a part of life and that they are growing through them. And so sometimes, you know, we all want to look away from that too. As parents, we don’t want to go back and remember how hard the beginning of school maybe was for our child, who had a lot of anxiety, and we just don’t want to talk about it anymore. But I think it’s worth celebrating that it was hard for them and they did it and they got through it, and we should really look back on that and give them credit for that and normalize that challenges are going to happen and that we all have them and that we can grow through them.
15:43
Another reason why we do reflection with children, teaching them reflection, is that we’re teaching resilience, because as we focus on their efforts and what they’ve learned, kids can develop a sense of confidence and capability in spite of the challenges and even if the process was difficult, so we want to help them do this in a way that is really fun, because they’re children, and why would we want to reflect on our past year unless it was super fun? So we want to make it playful and full of celebration. So here are some fun ways to help kids reflect on their past year. First, I think it’s important for kids to start with the good stuff. They love talking about their favorite things, so begin by focusing on what went well this year. You can ask them what was your favorite memory from the year, or what made you laugh the hardest, or what’s something you’re really proud of. Like I said before, maybe you’ve already celebrated these things, but you’re bringing them back up to savor them and to re-celebrate them. We’re teaching a lot of lessons when we do this. We’re helping kids recall positives and we’re also deepening our connection with them as we do this.
16:53
So this is another way that we can also bond and build our relationship, and I think it’s really fun to use photos or mementos to jog their memory, and one of the really fun things to do is scroll through your phone together and, on the photos app maybe you know cast it to your TV or mirror it to your TV, and bring up those photos and start to look for what are the things in our year that we really liked, that we’re really proud of, and let’s look at those highlights through those photos. You know we have thousands of photos on our phones, and so this is a great way to use those photos, and you might even pull a few out. Ask your kids which of the photos that we’re looking at could we tag and make a favorite and maybe put on one of our devices so that you know scroll or rotate as we’re in our kitchen and you’ll be able to see those throughout the year. Or we could have them printed and we could put them up on the fridge. You can come up with lots of ideas for how you’re going to use these moments to celebrate them, and then, of course, you’re also looking for the things that were really hard.
18:03
I don’t know if you take pictures of those things, but you might want to be able to talk about those things, and I think it’s great to help kids see that those challenges are normal. They can grow through them and you can ask them what was hard for you this year and how did you handle it. What’s something that you learned? Another great question to ask is if your best friend was going through the same thing you went through this year, what would your advice be for them? And I think you definitely want to focus on their effort and the process, not on the outcome, because, just like us, the struggles we have are not always neat and tidily tied up at the end of the year. It may be things that they’re still struggling with or still working through, and we just really want to celebrate that we keep trying and that we’re learning as we go. So maybe we could pick out one or two things that are getting stronger as we continue to face the challenge, or as they continue to face the challenge, and then you want to celebrate their growth and their effort. You can ask what’s something new you learned this year? Or when did you try really hard at something, even if it was tricky, and what’s one way you feel like you’ve really grown? What we’re doing is we’re teaching our children to value their effort and we’re fostering that growth mindset that will really serve them for a lifetime.
19:28
So I hope you’ll do this exercise with your kids and I want you to think about how you might sit with them and look over their year, and it should be with those no judgment glasses, right. It would be full of validation, where you’re able to really validate that they went through something that was hard or painful and you could say, ah, that was so hard when that happened, oh my gosh. And you’d be looking for the upside right. Oh, I’m so glad that’s over. You got through it. It took crazy bravery to do it and, you know, maybe the challenges are still going on. Can we acknowledge that we’re still here working through it together?
20:05
I think it’s really helpful to keep it light. We touch on the hard things but we always flip back over. We’re looking for buoyancy, we’re looking for resilience, we’re looking for praise, and so this isn’t a time for lecturing or I told you so’s or any of the negative. We’re really wanting this to be a positive experience and I think we can expand it to the family. You know you can take one step back now and do it all together and say what was the best thing we did as a family this year and what’s something that we all learned about each other or that we learned together or a way that we supported each other, and I think hearing each other’s answers helps everyone feel more connected and appreciated.
20:48
So I understand that if you have really little children, this might not be so helpful, but you guys could do it with each other as a couple and as your children get old enough. Even three four-year-olds love to be able to talk about what that time that they got really sick but they got through it. Or the time that they were scared to go do something but they did it. Or how proud they were that they learned to ride a bike. Or that they’re learning how to go to the doctor for their well checks and not be too freaked out by it. Whatever those things are, even little kids really love to celebrate those wins and if you have a picture to go with it, oh my gosh, you guys are going to have so much fun doing this. So then, when you expand it to your family, you can start to create that family culture and you can even bring in your values into that. You know, one thing I love about our family is that we show up for each other. There’s your commitment and your loyalty, or. I really like that.
21:40
We did a lot of kind things for other people this year and talk about some of those things. You know your kids might not realize that’s what you were doing. This is another way that you’re deepening your values. You could talk about how you’re working as a family to get along better, to share toys and to do chores and to help mom and dad, or mom and dad to be patient with their children and not kind of lose their temper as much. Whatever those things are that you’re working on together as a family, those are tied to your values. I guarantee they are. This is how we make values explicit, you guys, so that kids understand what it looks like when they’re in action, and you all are living your values in action every single day, and so you need to celebrate them. I think all of this works better when there’s something tangible to go with it.
22:31
So I put a few ideas in the show notes that can help you and your family celebrate this past year in some fun and interactive ways. So go to my website at leighgermancom and, under episode 74, you can get these ideas in a download. They’re really fun. I have instructions to create a memory jar or a time capsule, a photo collage and ideas to help kids write letters to their future selves and even some end of the year party ideas that you can do with your family to really celebrate the year. They’re simple, they’re not expensive, they won’t take a lot of your time, but these small things are actually tools to help your kids learn the skills of self-reflection, of growth, mindset of appreciation, gratitude and goal setting. Plus, they’re a really fun way to bring your family together and talk about what’s working for you and what you want to change or add in. So this is part of building and maintaining that family culture. We’ll do a couple of episodes next January and February about intentionally building family culture, so this is going to be great prep for that.
23:39
So I know it’s the end of the year, the holidays are crazy, you may not have time for any of this, but guess what? I kind of snuck the idea into your mind and I know it’s going to start to take root, which is really all you need to get ready for the new year. If you do have the desire and drive to make this an actual practice and pick a night to do this with your family whenever it’s convenient maybe any time in January, even if you don’t have time to do it at the end of this year sit down with your kids and really give them the opportunity to try out these ideas and do something fun and just make it like something they’re really proud of. Print out some pictures and make your refrigerator, for a week or two, be the kind of sender of all the things your kids are proud of. Wouldn’t that be fun to walk by every day in the kitchen and see those beautiful smiling faces of your children and the things that they’ve really celebrated from the last year beautiful smiling faces of your children and the things that they’ve really celebrated from the last year. It will remind them of perspective and remind you that you all are actually doing this family thing and you’re succeeding at it.
24:39
Any way that you choose to do a year in review and focus on celebration, you’re teaching your family what is of greatest value. It’s not the grades or the MVP awards or the huge achievements, but it’s all the showing up and following through and trying again, even after falling down or failing. These are the real wins of our year. And back to you, dear mamas. Kids learn best by watching us.
25:06
So do this, you guys, for yourselves. Give yourself credit, give yourself grace, give yourself some love for showing up all year long, imperfectly and tired as we all may be, we are doing it. Let them hear you say out loud this year I worked really hard. Maybe I worked on being more patient, maybe I worked on being more fun, maybe I worked on being more consistent at taking care of myself, and some days were better than others, but I am proud of how I keep trying. When you talk about your own challenges and growth, you show them that it’s okay to be imperfect and that growth is always happening and that you’re committed to it. And your kids will see that they’re part of a loving, supportive team that celebrates each other’s wins and stands together through the challenges. So this reflection strengthens the emotional wellness of the entire family and it’s creating a culture of connection that carries us into the new year. So here’s your homework, friends Take some time to reflect on your year with kindness and curiosity, celebrate your efforts, learn from your challenges and let’s dream about what’s next. And if you want some ideas for how to make this fun with your family, go to my website, leighgermancom, under episode 74, and you can get a download with some fun ideas for how to do this reflection activity with your kids. Here’s to an incredible year ahead, filled with connection, learning and a whole lot of effort worth celebrating. I’ll talk to you guys next week. Take care.