Ever feel like your thoughts won’t stop looping—worrying, criticizing, replaying mistakes? You’re not alone. In this episode, we explore how to handle the thoughts that won’t let go—and why “just think positive” doesn’t work. Leigh Germann, therapist and mom of five, shares how to build real mental resilience using her LIFT method to calm racing thoughts, ground your body, and shift toward compassionate self-talk. Learn how neuroscience, glimmers, and daily rituals can help you reclaim steadiness when your mind feels out of control.
What You’ll Learn in This Episode:
- Why persistent thoughts feel so “sticky” and what makes them hard to shake.
- How your brain’s protective system triggers repetitive thinking.
- The LIFT framework and how it helps you step out of spirals.
- How to separate yourself from your thoughts so they lose power over your mood.
- Practical strategies to calm your body so your mind can follow.
Transcript
We talk a lot on this show about the power of mindset—the way our thoughts shape our emotions, our choices, and ultimately our lives. But what about those thoughts that don’t seem to budge? The ones that are persistent or unwanted, unhelpful, and replay like a broken record?Maybe it’s the what if worries that keep you up at night. Maybe it’s the self-critical loop that greets you in the mirror every morning. Or maybe it’s the fear that something bad is going to happen, or the memory of a past mistake that won’t leave you alone.These thoughts are sticky. And no amount of “just think positive” seems to make them go away.
Here’s what I’ve learned: the goal is not to make them go away—that’s actually impossible. The goal is to change how we relate to them so they don’t control our emotions, our choices, or our peace.So today, I want to explore how resilience—through awareness, compassion, and choice—can shift our relationship with those unwanted thoughts.
The first thing to remember is that thoughts are not facts. They’re events happening in your mind. Some are helpful, some are neutral, and plenty are not helpful. Neuroscience shows us that we have a “default mode network”—a kind of background chatter system—and it has a negativity bias. It scans for problems or threats because that’s how we survived over millions of years. But now, that same system often keeps us stuck in worry loops.
Here’s what’s fascinating: research from Dr. Judson Brewer at Brown University shows that when we get caught in worry loops, the same part of our brain lights up as when someone with an addiction craves their substance.
Our brain is literally getting rewarded for worrying. It doesn’t feel like a reward to us, but neurochemically, your brain is getting a hit for doing that.The empowering part is that we can break these loops when we get curious. When we start to notice our thoughts—“Oh, there’s that worry again”—we activate a different neural pathway. We move from being reactive in our threat center to being proactive in our upper brain, our prefrontal cortex.
Think of your thoughts like weather. Some clouds drift by, some hang around, and some storm. But you are not the weather—you are the sky. Wide, steady, and big enough to hold any storm.And here’s the good news: our brains are neuroplastic. Every time we practice working with our thoughts differently, we’re rewiring our brains.Now, there’s a reason this approach is so much more powerful than resisting thoughts.Have you ever told yourself, “Stop thinking about this!” only to have it get louder? When we push thoughts down, they bounce back stronger—like a beach ball underwater. Fighting thoughts creates struggle and suffering.
So, what we’re learning to do is threefold:
Become aware.
Have compassion for ourselves as thinkers.
Create space between us and our thoughts. Instead of saying, “I’m a bad parent,” say, “I’m having the thought that I’m a bad parent.”Feel that shift? You’re no longer fused with the thought—you’re observing it. That space is freedom.It also helps to externalize your thoughts.You might even name the patterns that show up—like calling your anxious thoughts “Nervous Nelly.” I worked with a mom who did this because that’s what her mom used to call her as a little girl. She wasn’t Nervous Nelly—her thoughts were behaving that way.
So when Nervous Nelly showed up with catastrophic worries, she’d say, “Hey, Nelly. I see you’re on fire today. Thanks for trying to protect me, but I’ve got this.”You let the thoughts stay, but you relate to them differently—with lightness, even humor—instead of treating them as truth.
Now, I know what you might be thinking: That sounds great in theory, but it’s hard to do when the thoughts feel so real.Yes. When those thoughts come in, they bring up sensations in your body—your heart races, your stomach tightens, your emotions surge. Thoughts are powerful enough to hijack your body.
That’s why we need a clear, gentle framework to help us. One that I’ve used for years with moms.
I call it LIFT.
Because that’s exactly what it does—it helps you lift yourself out of the trap of worry, negativity, or self-criticism.
LIFT: A Four-Step Framework
L – Label what you’re experiencing.
“I’m noticing I’m having anxiety.”
“I’m noticing my body is tense.”
“I’m noticing I’m catastrophizing.”
Labeling is mindfulness in action. Simply naming what’s happening brings awareness and calm.
I – Inquire with curiosity, not judgment.
Ask yourself, “What’s happening right now? What’s this thought about? Is it helpful?”
Instead of “I’m a bad mom,” say, “I’m having the thought that I’m a bad mom.” You’re loosening your grip on it.
Curiosity creates space; judgment tightens it.
F – Focus on something grounding.
Your breath. Your feet on the floor. A sound around you.
When you shift attention to the present, you step out of the story your mind is spinning. You reorient your nervous system to safety—“My body’s in a chair. My feet are on the ground. I can hear sounds around me.”
That’s mindfulness too—using your senses to return to the present moment.
T – Turn toward something supportive.
This might be a pause, a walk outside, or texting a friend. It could be taking five slow breaths. Whatever helps you reconnect with yourself and steadiness.
Persistent thoughts aren’t just in your head—they live in your body.When you’re stuck in a thought loop, notice where you feel it. Maybe it’s tightness in your chest or knots in your stomach. When you calm the body, the mind follows.Try five slow breaths, exhaling longer than you inhale. Or cross your arms and tap your shoulders gently—a “butterfly hug.” Even humming can activate your vagus nerve and signal safety.
When your body feels safe, your mind settles. That’s resilience from the bottom up.Now, from the top down, we also want to feed our minds new, useful thoughts.Instead of: “My child is always so difficult,” try:
“My child is having a hard time, and I can meet this moment with calm.”
Instead of: “I’m ruining my kids,” try:
“I’m human, and I’m learning. I care about my kids, and I’m repairing. That’s resilience.”
This isn’t fake positivity—it’s realistic optimism. “Yes, this is hard, and I have tools to face it.”These daily practices—mindfulness, gratitude, exercise, and connection—all strengthen your brain. Mindfulness calms the amygdala. Gratitude shifts attention toward what’s working. Movement releases endorphins. And connection reminds you you’re not alone. Every time you catch an unhelpful thought and respond differently, you’re building resilience.
So, what do we do with persistent, unwanted thoughts?We LIFT.We label, inquire, focus, and turn. We listen to our bodies. We get curious about what’s happening. We ground ourselves in the present. And we turn toward what helps us.When we do that, we reclaim our power.Because when you’re free from the stickiness, you get to choose.
This week, pick one tool that resonated. Maybe it’s simply labeling your thoughts. Maybe it’s practicing curiosity. Maybe it’s focusing on your breath. When I realized I could choose which thoughts to focus on—even if I couldn’t choose which thoughts appeared—that was real power.I still get caught in sticky traps sometimes. But now, I know how to LIFT myself out. And you can too.
Remember—you are not broken. You are the sky, big enough to hold all the weather of your thoughts. Resilience isn’t something you’re born with—it’s something you build. The goal is to become so steady and grounded in who you are that when the storms come—and they will—you remain that big, beautiful sky.
I believe in you. I’m doing this same work right alongside you. And the more I do it, the less I suffer. I want the same for you.Try one little piece of this today. You’ll start to feel your mood, your body, and your mind begin to lift.Have a wonderful week. I’ll talk to you soon.
If these ideas resonate, but you’re not sure how to apply them, you don’t have to do it alone. I’m currently opening a few one-to-one coaching spots for moms who are ready to go deeper and get personalized support as they build their own resilience.This is where we take everything we talk about here and tailor it to your life, your story, your goals.If that sounds like something you’re craving, head to leighgermann.com and click on One-to-One Coaching. We’ll set up a free call to talk about where you are, where you want to be, and whether coaching is the right next step for you.You can also find me on Instagram @leighgermann or on my website at leighgermann.com.
The Leadership Parenting Podcast is for general information purposes only. It is not therapy and should not take the place of meeting with a qualified mental health professional. The information on this podcast is not intended to diagnose or treat any condition, illness, or disease. It’s also not intended as legal, medical, or therapeutic advice. Please consult your doctor or mental health professional for your individual circumstances.Thanks again—and take care.