When emotions run high, it’s so easy to get swept into the storm—especially when it’s your child, your teen, or even your partner who’s upset. In this episode, I talk about how to stay grounded and calm when the people around you aren’t. I’ll walk you through how co-regulation really works, how to respond instead of react, and why your calm body is one of the most powerful tools you have to teach emotional safety.

These ideas don’t just apply to parenting—they work in every relationship, because emotional regulation isn’t just a skill for kids, it’s a human skill. I also created a free companion resource, The Calm Connection Cheat Sheet, to help you put this into practice. You can grab it through the link in the show notes and learn how to decode emotions, find the right words, and calm both yourself and others when feelings get big.

What you will learn in this episode:

• The neuroscience behind emotional overload—and why logic doesn’t work when emotions are high.

• How co-regulation works and why your calm body can soothe another person’s stress response.

• Simple grounding techniques to keep yourself centered in the middle of chaos.

• Practical ways to respond when emotions erupt—without fixing, lecturing, or joining the storm.

• How practicing emotional regulation builds long-term resilience and stronger relationships at home and beyond.

 

Transcript

Welcome back to Leadership Parenting.
Today, we’re diving into one of the most powerful—and honestly, one of the hardest—parts of emotional resilience: staying calm in the middle of someone else’s big emotions.

As parents, it’s easy to think our job is to stop the meltdown.
But our real job is to stay grounded enough that our calm becomes their calm.

This is what we call co-regulation—the process of using your calm nervous system to help another person’s nervous system get calm.
It’s not just for toddlers or tantrums—it’s for all of us.

Whether you’re dealing with a crying toddler, a teen rolling their eyes, or a partner shutting down after a stressful day, the same science applies.
Emotions need safe space to settle, and that safe space begins with us.

When emotion hits—frustration, fear, disappointment, anger—the body sends a message to the brain: we are not safe.
The amygdala fires up. Your heart rate spikes, your muscles tighten, and your higher thinking goes offline.

In that moment, logic will not work.
Words will not work.
Connection is what works.

When your child is dysregulated, their nervous system is literally looking for another nervous system to borrow stability from.
That’s how human beings are created—we look to each other to co-regulate.

Your calm isn’t just helpful—it’s contagious.
Your body becomes the template your child’s or partner’s body mirrors.

The opposite is also true: if you join the storm—if you yell, rush, or react—their nervous system senses more threat, and the storm grows.
That’s why co-regulation isn’t a luxury; it’s the foundation of emotional safety.

In real life, co-regulation looks like this:

• That deep breath before you open your mouth to speak.
• Lowering your voice when everything in you wants to raise it.
• Softening your face and expression.
• Saying simple words like, “You’re having a hard time right now. I can see it. I’m here with you.”

Sometimes it’s silence—just your presence, a touch, or a nod.
You might guide your teen through a breathing cycle or hold your child until they can calm down.
These small actions signal safety, and safety turns down the body’s alarm system.

We’re Not Fixing Emotion — We’re Holding It

We’re not fixing the emotion.
We’re holding the person until they can work through the emotion.

And this applies beyond parenting.
We can use these same skills with our partners, sisters, friends, and coworkers.
The words might change, but the principle is the same: regulated people regulate people.

We need to stay grounded when others are not.

What about when we’re the ones unraveling?
When we’re tired, overstimulated, or defensive?

Our nervous systems respond to what’s happening around us, too.
That’s where self-regulation meets co-regulation.

We can’t give calm if we don’t have calm.
If we want our calm to be contagious, we have to know how to find it first.

When you feel your temperature rising, try this simple grounding sequence I teach in my Calm & Confident program:

1. Pause—even for two seconds.
2. Exhale slowly and fully—longer than your inhale.
3. Name what’s happening. “This is anger.” “This is overwhelm.”
4. Ground yourself. Feel your feet, the chair beneath you, the air in the room.

Our goal is to get in touch with what’s happening inside.
When we self-regulate, we choose our next action—our emotions don’t choose it for us.

Calm doesn’t mean never feeling upset.
It’s not realistic—or healthy—to be calm all the time.

Instead, our goal is to create safety.
Because when you feel safe in your body, your emotions naturally come down.
That’s what your steady presence offers your child—it gives them a safe space to settle and reset.

Leadership in parenting doesn’t mean control; it means containment.
We create a foundation strong enough for our children to return to calm themselves.
When they do, they can make better choices—and that’s where growth happens.

Every time you model emotional regulation, your child learns.
When you breathe instead of barking, repair after you lose your temper, or name your feelings—you’re wiring emotional intelligence into their brain.

We’re not just raising kids who behave well.
We’re raising people who know how to stay kind and grounded in a chaotic world—kind to others and kind to themselves.

That’s resilience.
That’s leadership.

Every relationship involves nervous systems communicating behind the scenes.
When your spouse is stressed, your sister reactive, or your boss short-tempered—the same principles apply.

See the dysregulation for what it is: a nervous system in distress.
Instead of reacting to tone or words, ground yourself in safety.

We might not change someone else’s emotion, but we can influence the energy of the interaction.
That’s what it means to be the peacemaker.

It’s not about stopping all conflict—it’s about bringing calm energy back into the situation.

Our brains think, empathize, and solve problems best when we’re not in threat.
So, if we apply these principles to our inner world—when we’re the ones spiraling—we return to calm more quickly, compassionately, and clearly.
And that clarity becomes our power.

To make this easier when real life hits, I created a simple one-page tool called The Calm Connection Cheat Sheet.
It’s free to download—something you can stick on your fridge or save to your phone.

It’s a quick reminder of what’s really happening, what to say, and what to do to bring everyone back to calm.

Here’s what’s inside:

• The Emotion Decoder — to see what’s beneath behavior.
• Calm-Down Phrases — simple words that soothe instead of spark.
• A Co-Regulation Menu — actions you can take for yourself, for them, and together.

If you’d like an easy way to remember all of this, download The Calm Connection Sheet in the show notes for Episode 117 or visit LeighGermann.com.

This week, when someone around you gets loud or shuts down, pause before you respond.
Ask yourself, can I stay steady right here? Can I be the calm in the room?

And when it’s your child melting down, remember—they’re not giving you a hard time; they’re having a hard time.
Your calm teaches them how to find theirs.
That’s the power of co-regulation—it heals both sides.

You won’t do it perfectly, but even small steps toward calm bring huge change.
You’ll see it in how you feel and in how your relationships start to shift. We’re building more calm, more safety, and more peace into the world—and that truly changes everything.

IMPORTANT

The Leadership Parenting Podcast is for general information purposes only.
It is not therapy and should not replace meeting with a qualified mental health professional.
The information on this podcast is not intended to diagnose or treat any condition, illness, or disease.
Please consult your doctor or mental health professional for your individual circumstances.

Thanks again for listening, and take care.